I entered a contest in November with this little missive; the prize is a makeover. Actually, I will feel a little bit sheepish if I do win since I was so generously Christmas and birthday gifted with things that mitigate the following issues:
REASONS I (DESPERATELY) DO NOT (NEED) A MAKEOVER
Every woman needs a makeover every now and then…except for me. I am totally set. My husband’s one hundred thousand dollar a year dental school debt, er, budget allowance, makes plenty of provision for me to wash my hair once a week and occasionally cut my toe nails. So don’t worry about me. You should give it to someone else.
Really, I get my hair cut regularly. Every year. I know a lot of prissy people recommend a nice cut and color every two or three months. But I like dark roots; I prefer them, actually. I think the contrast of dark roots with blond ends helps draw attention away from my shoes that I bought when I was in high school, which are seriously super hip. I was like the most well dressed girl ever when I was sixteen, so those shoes totally give me a boost if I am ever having an “I hate being poor while accumulating asinine amounts of debt” days.
And clothes, yeah. I have so many cute clothes. Especially since I moved here from Utah, where it actually gets cold. I love having to wear the same T-shirt and shorts every single day for ten months out of the year. Oh, and I got another T-shirt on clearance at Target a couple months ago-seriously-BEST. DAY. EVER. Oh my gosh, that three dollar baby did so much for my tired, struggling ten year old wardrobe.
So makeup is good too. I bought like a lifetime of supply of Wet n Wild makeup back in the seventh grade…love it! I mean, really what more could a girl ask for besides mismatched foundation and white eyeliner? Oh, and I have TONS of LipSmackers too. In like EVERY flavor. I think Strawberry kiwi is my favorite. And I love to wear A LOT of makeup, like cake it on really good so that is obvious that I am wearing it. I do that a lot.
Besides that, sometimes I buy razors from the 99.99 cent store to shave my legs. I got a pedicure once before I got married and that was like the most awesome thing ever, almost as good as the day I got that three dollar shirt at Target. Oh, and my very favorite thing? Headbands and crusty gel covered “naturally” curled hair to hide the fact that it’s been a while since my last cut and color; it’s my nod to Jessica Spano from Saved by the bell. She was the best.
So please, do NOT waste this makeover gift on me. I am totally good. In fact, I daresay I look freaking awesome with my brown roots, split ends, chap stick and ten year old jeans. Find someone who really needs it.
Sincerely,
Ashley Burr
5 comments:
Wow that was genius. However...I must say if you are desperate for all the items mentioned in your plea, I don't know what that makes me. I've been thinking the last several times you've come to town (dating back to my wedding at least) that you look super hot AND hip. I literally follow you on every paragraph-jeans from sophomore year, a haircut last spring, a pedicure for my wedding, and makeup from junior high-man I'm hot. I guess if we really cared we'd do something about it right?
that was lovely actually. and if you recall there were a few times in which i voraciously claimed your castoffs. (still have the brown roxy flip-flops, but got tired of wearing those black shoes i kept having to staple back together.) so i'm not even going to comment on what that makes me. but i do hope you win. when do you find out?
hilarious. I hope you win. If you don't--watch out! You have a mean left hook. Or right hook. Or upper cut. Either way, you could knock someone out...
Bravo! Brilliant post! For a minute I forgot this was your blog and thought I was reading something I wrote. Except I love Dr. Pepper lipsmackers...
P.S. I especially love this time of year where my foundation matches my summer face and is now far too dark, but I have to deal with it. Good times.
Lipsmakers...ha ha ha, come on now Ash
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