Sunday, October 25, 2009

We've reconciled

WARNING: There is a hilarious picture which exaggerates the point of this post at the end; do not scroll down if you are offended by a woman in a bra and underwear.

Anyway, some of you may remember that I was rather upset about this discovery early last year. Finding out that my, obviously, favorite mirror in the house was a skinny mirror was irritating. Being the kind of girl that I am, one who has no tolerance for sugar coating or distorted realities, I generally don't find any satisfaction in seeing an image of myself which is not real: When I ask my husband, or anyone for that matter, if my outfit makes me look fat, I genuinely want to know the truth--why would I want to wear something out in public that doesn't look good on me? So naturally, I felt betrayed by my skinny mirror when I found out.

No more. We are friends once again. It turns out that the awkward image of a midway through pregnancy me makes the fictitious version of myself too compelling to resist. I know, I know. It's not true; I don't look like what the skinny mirror says I do. But it looks so much better than the real version that I have just decided to go to the dark, fake, skinnier side.

So, at least for now, until I reach the "cute" point of pregnancy-you know, that very narrow window of time where your stomach is just big and round enough as to make every other part of your body appear proportionally smaller and cuter--I will take comfort in a lie. Actually, let's be honest, that stage is fleeting as your body gives way to incredible hugeness, swelling and misery; so it could be an incredibly long time before I am prepared to face the real me again. Cheers to the skinny mirror! Ha ha ha...I hope it's not this bad...

Friday, October 16, 2009

The two (mostly) happiest places on Earth

DISNEYLAND: Eli made it through an entire day at Disneyland without a single bathroom incident-what a potty power champ! We took the day, braved the rain and met my cousins (twelve of them!) aunts and uncles at the happiest place on Earth. And only one child, Mr. Sammy the Wimmer, was temporarily lost the whole day. So it was definitely a huge success.

COSTCO: Like most people who hail from the great "This is the place," we are devoted and loyal Costco fans. I am particularly so because it is the only place that my husband enjoys to shop. However, I was wondering if anyone has been irked by the enforcement over the past year of the entrance "card flashing?" Really, it's not that big of a deal; anyone who has ever shopped at Costco knows that it is just standard protocol. Silly, perhaps...unnecessary, yes- since they neither permit you to purchase anything without it, nor do they allow you out of the warhehouse without a receipt to confirm your purchase. And for a while, the employees "guarding" the entrance were either casually engaged in something else or just didn't care if you didn't wish to dig through your purse to find your wallet in order to pull out your card and prove your legitimate membership.

So I have only been mildly annoyed by the recent crackdown in card flashing at the Costco until Monday night. Sidenote: It will shock no one that Eli's primary goal in life is to make it through the parking lot-where he knows full well he MUST hold someone's hand- to the sidewalk so that he can then proceed to run away as far and as fast as humanly possible. I don't know why this fact of life sometimes escapes me, but it does. So as soon as we made it to the sidewalk on our way into Costco the other night, Eli was already inside and on his way to visit the wash and the cold, which is to say the washing machines on display and the refrigerated section. So Adam and I both started to rush inside in an attempt to reclaim our fleeing son, paying little attention to the card guard. He seriously stuck is hand out and said, "Excuse me, can I see your card?" After a brief glance of incredulity passed between us, we silently agreed that Adam would chase the kid and I would pacify the guard. "I got it. Can he go get our kid?" I said laughing.

So apparently the card flashing is pretty important. I suppose once Eli busted his way into the Costco, like anything else inside, we needed a membership card to get him out. Makes perfect sense.

PS Am I a bad mother for throwing away all of the art drawings that Eli creates if he tears them to shreds once I display them on the fridge? I was particularly excited about this piece because it rather resembles a Jackson Pollock, don't you think? But this is what he does to every piece of artwork he ever creates; apparently he is not a modern art lover. I try...I really do.

Friday, October 9, 2009


I guess if Twitter crashed because so many people were telling the dear internet what they thought of President Obama's latest award, I should at least leave a small comment: Well now we know why President Obama didn't get his pet Olympic project for Chicago...because that would have been ridiculously over the top for him to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize AND the Olympics for his homeboys in less than a week. Apparently the people who make the decisions for this prize didn't see last week's SNL where Obama himself admitted that he hadn't done anything (not to mention anything Nobel Peace Prize worthy) yet-which to be fair, I don't think even the strongest supporters of ending the wars would have expected to be done 10 months into his administration; if he had, it would have been incredibly irresponsible. If there is one thing that SNL does right, it is make fun of people who say and do stupid things. They are incredibly clued in to the sentiments of American people. Had I been asked by the council, I would have strongly suggested they watch this clip before they seriously considered selecting our president to win the award.