Monday, December 8, 2008

Someone tried to steal my George Foreman grill


which subsequently resulted in my husband triumphantly brandishing his machete. Oh, we thought, and hoped, the day would never come. Nevertheless, at approximately 2400 hours, we were abruptly awakened by a loud crash in our kitchen. We both sat straight up in bed, looked at each other with a frightened "What the hell was that?" face and contemplated the scary thought of someone, again, stealing (or worse) our possessions. I proceeded to pull the covers over my face while Adam snuck quietly out of bed and reached up inside the closet for his cherished weapon. Amazingly enough, through my terror, I was able to conceive the thought that Adam must be thinking that this was at least a little bit cool...which, he later confirmed, was true; I also remember thinking, "holy crap, this is taking entirely too long for him to get his sword and confront the intruder," which he also later confirmed was true. So Adam in his g's and I in my robe crept slowly and quietly through our long hallway expecting to meet we knew not whom in our violated kitchen. When we arrived, we found not a robber but a cracked George Foreman grill resting helplessly on the edge of our counter top. Don't worry, it still works, despite the random five foot fall from the top shelf. All is well. I love my lean mean fat reducing grilling machine so don't anyone else think of messing with it.

Oh, and Duane and Eli slept through the whole thing. I hope that Duane is a somewhat more useful guard dog in case of a real break in.

10 comments:

Lisa said...

That story was very Twas the Night Before Christmas (there arose such a clatter!) until you got to the grill.

Next time, stay in the room with phone ready to call 911. Home phone, not cell phone. You are entirely unprepared to live in San Bernardino County!

lauren said...

and all this time i thought you were kidding about adam having a machete. greg is seriously contemplating a shotgun. whilst i would be perfectly content with a taser.

Michelle Tolboe said...

Did you say machete??? wow. That's the weapon of choice here? What if the intruder was strapped with a gat? Oh, you would block the bullets with the blade...I see.

Blogdor said...

Obviously Michelle has never seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Star Wars. Swords work!

Benjamin J Burr said...

Blogdor is correct. Olivia once thought someone had broken into our house, since I didn't have a machete, I went to the other room and got my rapier (a sword like unto what Inigo Montoya uses in the Princess Bride for those who don't know much about weapons). Just like Adam, I had to experience the disappointment of not encountering a burglar in my home to meet the wrath of my blade.

A note to Lauren, just the sound of a shotgun being pumped will be a big enough deterrent that your average burglar will flee. With a taser you will still have to confront the person.

The Paulson Family said...

Glad you were safe, and especially glad the George Foreman is still in working condition. In answer to the diaper in the washing machine, this didn't happen until my fourth child, when I truly began to lose my mind. A couple of times, I grabbed poopy sheets, pajamas, and (unintentionally) a diaper and threw the whole mess in the washing machine. Not a good idea.

Chelsea said...

So was there an intruder or did the foreman just randomly jump out of the cupboard? Perhaps you have a crowed Indian in your cupboard...?

Ashley said...

No Chel, no real burglar. I am sure there was some sort of conspiracy involved, but I will never know for sure...

Susan said...

Hahaha....I agree, it sounded like a christmas story, At least it wasn't a robber.

Cambrie said...

that is funny. We too have had similar instances-- but only you can write about it and make it funny.