Saturday, September 29, 2007

On becoming a mom

This is not meant to be sentimental or cheesy. I am not going to pour out my soul on my blog. This is strictly an observation on what being a mom does to a person. I really have not felt like a mom until only just recently. Its weird. The second you hold your child, you are overwhelmed with something you have never felt before. Its not just love. Its instantaneous, hyper-expedited love on steroids. Sure I had him in my stomach for nearly ten months but up until that point, I could have just been faking the whole thing and none of you would even know. So the way you love your child so immediately is pretty cool. I mean, Adam and I didn't date for very long before we got married; we didn't need to. But even that-deciding that we loved each other and wanted to get married-took longer than a few seconds. So its not that I haven't loved him for the past six months. I just have kind of felt like he was sort of a toy until now. I like little tiny babies. Who doesn't? And I honestly thought I would be so sad for him to get bigger and not be something that everyone wanted to just hold and stare at. My kid is nearly six months old. You may think that I have neglected to bond with him or that I am a bad mom. The latter may or may not be true, but I assure you, we have bonded. He is so freaking cool. We hang out together now! And he contributes to the hanging out. He is learning to control his hands so that he can grab the dog's ears and that is so sweet. He gets such a kick out of it. So, all I mean is that I like him so much. I always loved him, always thought he was adorable. But now that he can swim around in the bath like a fish, grab my earrings and laugh when I tell him no, kick and splash water because he can tell I think that its funny, and cry when I leave the room I feel like we are truly tight in a way that I couldn't when he would just sit there and be cute. As cool as that was, this is even more cool. Now I feel like a real mom. I have transcended the world of diaper changer and food giver to actual mother. I have BECOME! How existential of me.

6 comments:

Shannon said...

SO cute of you Ash! Isn't it awesome to know you can love something so MUCH!!

Aubry Moore said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Susan said...

Dito, seriously I feel the same way. She is getting to be so much fun. I guess it's because they become more of a little person and can interact with the world around them. I love it when she reaches for me when she's with other people. It's a pain in the "a" sometimes, but honestly I can see where the real joys of Motherhood come. I was sad when she turned 6 months and wondered where it all went, but I'm really liking her big now. Just wait till he starts crawling!!!!

Susan said...

Haha, I didn't realize that I was signed under Aubry's account for a while and commented under him. So I re did it under me!!!

Heather said...

Very sweet post, Ash. Your baby boy is lucky to have such a good--and verbose--mom! :)

The Pendleton's said...

ASH:
WOW! I'll admit I am very impressed by your words and I can just imagine how great of a mom you are. That really has to be one of the greatest joys in life. Well, I know you were in town a while ago and I just sat by my phone waiting for a call! kidding, I know you have a lot of more inportant people in your life to spend time with when you come to Utah. But I hope things are good and It seems like you are having fun out there.