Saturday, September 29, 2007
On becoming a mom
This is not meant to be sentimental or cheesy. I am not going to pour out my soul on my blog. This is strictly an observation on what being a mom does to a person. I really have not felt like a mom until only just recently. Its weird. The second you hold your child, you are overwhelmed with something you have never felt before. Its not just love. Its instantaneous, hyper-expedited love on steroids. Sure I had him in my stomach for nearly ten months but up until that point, I could have just been faking the whole thing and none of you would even know. So the way you love your child so immediately is pretty cool. I mean, Adam and I didn't date for very long before we got married; we didn't need to. But even that-deciding that we loved each other and wanted to get married-took longer than a few seconds. So its not that I haven't loved him for the past six months. I just have kind of felt like he was sort of a toy until now. I like little tiny babies. Who doesn't? And I honestly thought I would be so sad for him to get bigger and not be something that everyone wanted to just hold and stare at. My kid is nearly six months old. You may think that I have neglected to bond with him or that I am a bad mom. The latter may or may not be true, but I assure you, we have bonded. He is so freaking cool. We hang out together now! And he contributes to the hanging out. He is learning to control his hands so that he can grab the dog's ears and that is so sweet. He gets such a kick out of it. So, all I mean is that I like him so much. I always loved him, always thought he was adorable. But now that he can swim around in the bath like a fish, grab my earrings and laugh when I tell him no, kick and splash water because he can tell I think that its funny, and cry when I leave the room I feel like we are truly tight in a way that I couldn't when he would just sit there and be cute. As cool as that was, this is even more cool. Now I feel like a real mom. I have transcended the world of diaper changer and food giver to actual mother. I have BECOME! How existential of me.