I don't know why I have been so absentee. I guess I am following the advice of Thumper: "If you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all..." Although I don't know why I would be doing so now since I don't generally live by that creed anyway. Mostly, this pregnancy is not very fun. That is the most positive way I know how to put it. And while I can't wait to NOT be pregnant, have two boys, expand our family, solve the name issue, etc. etc. I find myself somewhat saddened by the impending loss of my status as a mom of one.
You all know that I am no particular fanatic fan of Disneyland. This is Eli and I enjoying Dumbo, and my wild animal in his cage on the Casey Junior train; incidentally, Jennifer Garner but in front of us in line for Peter Pan yesterday. Brat. Anyway, our passes expire on Feb 19th and I find myself somewhat sad...don't jump to any conclusions people. I think it has more to do with the fact that the timing coincides so closely with the birth of our second child, putting an end not only to MINE and ELI's ability to just buzz down to Disneyland and spend a few hours, but to do ANYTHING like that with relative ease. I mean, once you have two kids, it's like you are a real mom. And it's no longer just you and your little shadow, but TWO little shadows. For almost three years, it's just been Eli and me. (And Duane, but he kind of doesn't count....soon he really won't count.) Disneyland, for me, has represented mine and Eli's ability to improvise, to go with whatever the day presents, and to take off pretty easily if we wanted to. I am sad to lose that. And to lose the one on one time I have thus far been mandated to spend with my only child.
I know a lot of other things are going to change; for most of them, I am very excited. But I find myself a little bit sad that it's not just me and Eli during the day and not just the three of us when Adam is home and not just our easy little routine to which I have gotten so used. And I am not really sure how Eli will react. Ultimately, it's a net positive for a kid to have a sibling. But I nonetheless worry (frivolously, I know,) how the one that has been my sole focus for the last three years will react to NOT being the sole focus anymore. And it is just the tiniest bit sad. Mostly happy, but the tiniest bit sad.
Anyway, not much has been going on. I am mostly just trying to get through the days. Eli is doing a lot better since his potty power relapse, and for that I am grateful. I feel like my life paradigm has reversed from trying to maximize my calorie burning potential in a day to doing absolutely anything to avoid moving because it just hurts. I am not a good sedentary person (as you may or may not be able to tell from the somber tone of this post.) Life is not nearly enjoyable as a crippled invalid, it turns out. I am thankful that under normal circumstances, that I am a healthy, high functioning person. Here is to exercise and the ability to move freely-seven more weeks!