Last week I went down to Thousand Oaks and watched my aunt Stephanie's four darling girls. Had I not had Eli, it would have been a luxurious, enjoyable relaxacation. The girls are all very neat, tidy, disciplined, and well mannered which naturally inclined them to be greatly disturbed by my son's behavior:
The first day, cute little wise beyond her two years Caroline stared with disbelief as Eli doused himself in ketchup, managed to throw yogurt, and dump the undesirable food on the floor. The look on her face was of extreme disdain. I watched, smiling, as she tried to work out in her head how this was possible. And then she turned to me and said, "He is so dirty. We need to clean him up," as she hopped down from her perfectly clean chair and began to pick up the discarded hot hogs and juiced grapes. She is two.
Later that night as Eli moved efficiently from water cooler, creating a small pond in the kitchen, to entertainment center, disabling the TV audio, to washer and dryer, to bathroom toilet for more water games, to computer in the guest room, Sydney served willingly as my disaster cleanup specialist and looked at me imploring, "Is he always like this?"
They all took it upon themselves to inform me when he was pushing buttons on the dryer and climbing on the couch or stunk-which, frankly, in light of the circumstances, I was ok with...until some random man came knocking on the garage door asking if this baby in a stinky diaper who was wandering out in the neighborhood was mine. What do you say to that? Apparently he was not harmlessly pushing buttons in the laundry room which annexes to the garage...
Ok, one last good one. While bathing Eli, my faithful little companion Caroline remarked "He has a funny bum." Yes, Caroline. All boys do.
PS I am so happy that my brother and sister and brother in law are alive. They got in a horrible accident on I15 on Saturday. They aren't smart enough to go to the hospital to make sure that everything is all right, but so far so good. So anyway. Drive safely everyone because this can happen so easily.